Welcome to the treasure trove of films from 1987 that are so terrible they’re… well, just terrible! As a movie enthusiast, you’ve probably experienced that moment when you excitedly start a film, only to regret your life choices 15 minutes in. If you want to experience that repeatedly, here’s a delightful list of the most regrettable films from that iconic year.
Patrol Duty in “Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol” – Comedy’s Most Wanted?
“Police Academy 4” presented a golden idea: mix amateur cops with civilians to solve crimes. While the concept might’ve felt fresh initially, the execution made us wonder if the script had been written during a coffee break. The jokes felt reheated, the characters lacked depth, and the overall delivery was bland. This film needed more training in the academy!
“Ishtar” – The Desert Debacle We Didn’t Ask For
Big names like Warren Beatty and Dustin Hoffman took center stage in “Ishtar,” but unfortunately, the star power didn’t translate to a captivating story. Two guys lost in a desert, tangled in confusing political affairs, might sound gripping. But viewers were left thirsty for a coherent plot. You would expect at least a hint of oasis with a hefty budget.
“Leonard Part 6” – A Comedy Mission We’d Like to Forget
“Leonard Part 6” attempted to break the mold with a wacky premise: a secret agent battles vegetarians wielding weaponized critters. But the on-screen result was a jumbled mess. It was as if the creators were trying to merge too many wild ideas, leaving the audience more puzzled than amused.
The Unsettling Universe of “The Garbage Pail Kids Movie”
Meant to entertain younger audiences, “The Garbage Pail Kids Movie” missed the mark with its creepy animations and unsettling characters. Far from a child-friendly experience, it seemed like a mishmash of odd decisions that didn’t resonate with kids or adults. And let’s be honest, the uncanny valley vibes were strong with this one.
Drowning in Drama with “Flowers in the Attic”‘
Adapting V.C. Andrews’ gripping novel seemed like an easy win. Yet, the transition to the screen felt clunky. The story of family secrets, forbidden relationships, and a dark attic had potential, but it was lost amid disjointed storytelling, leading to more questions than answers for many viewers.
“Who’s That Girl” – A Comedy of Confusions
Madonna’s charm and comic flair took the front seat in “Who’s That Girl.” Yet, despite her star presence, the story drove off-course with a tangled plot and humor that often missed its target. It was a rollercoaster without the highs, and by the end, you were left feeling slightly dizzy and not in a good way.
Fishing for Excitement in “Jaws: The Revenge”
“Jaws” was revolutionary. Its fourth installment? Not so much. It’s hard to rekindle the same suspense when it feels like the story is just rehashing old scares. The premise became predictable, making the once-feared shark seem as intimidating as a goldfish. It had no bark and no bite.
“Teen Wolf Too” – A Howling Disappointment
Capitalizing on the success of “Teen Wolf,” its sequel came in with high expectations. But what viewers got was a lukewarm retelling with a college backdrop. The humor felt forced, and the plot meandered, making us wonder if the wolf had lost its way. This is one sequel that was nowhere near the scale of the original.
When Universes Collide in “Masters of the Universe”
Adapting action figures into a blockbuster film seemed like a slam dunk, especially when you think of how great “Barbie” was. But “Masters of the Universe” failed to capture the essence of its source material. The performances felt detached, and the story was puzzling. It’s like inviting action figures to a party but forgetting the action.
A Love Affair with Plastic in “Mannequin”
“Mannequin” took romantic comedy to an unusual realm. What starts off as a bizarre yet charming love story between a young artist and a mannequin-turned-human spirals into a repetitive loop of recycled gags. You could easily guess the outcome by the climax, making the film less of an emotional rollercoaster and more of a merry-go-round.
Swapping Beaches for Boredom in “Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds in Paradise”
Sure, the first film was an unexpected delight, shedding light on the underdog nerds. The sequel, however, seemed to be under the illusion that changing the setting to a beach would automatically make it a hit. The nerds’ adventures in the tropical setting lacked the originality of their first outing. The movie felt more like a missed opportunity, ending with a sense of longing for the genuine laughs from the original.
Trading Places but Losing Laughs in “Like Father Like Son”
The body-swap genre is ripe for comedic moments, and “Like Father Like Son” had this foundation, but it seemed to fumble the execution. The film introduces the intriguing concept through a mystical drink. However, the situations they find themselves in are more mundane than magical, making the potential comedy feel stale and overcooked.
A Mirage of Excitement in “Desert Warrior”
The desert setting of “Desert Warrior” promised intense duels and gritty survival stories. Still, it quickly turned into a seemingly endless wandering narrative. Characters felt more like caricatures, and the expected clash of warriors turned into more of a passive stroll in the sand. With the potential for high stakes, the movie instead settled for trivial squabbles, leaving audiences yearning for real action.
Overboard but Underwhelming
“Overboard” had the makings of a great film: a spoiled heiress with amnesia and a carpenter seeking revenge. But as the plot unfolded, the humor seemed forced. Instead of focusing on the comedic potential of their situation, the film often veered into slapstick, sidelining the budding romance and character growth. The end result was a narrative that felt like it was constantly treading water, never quite reaching the shore of comedy gold.
Dry Times in “Steel Dawn”
A world post-catastrophe with scarce water resources sets the stage for “Steel Dawn.” But rather than a gripping tale of survival, it delivers a murky mix of melodrama and poorly choreographed fights. The intriguing premise drowns amid unclear motives and mixed genres. It’s a movie that promises a gush of action but delivers a mere trickle.
Caught in the Undertow of “Surf Nazis Must Die”
Mixing surfing with post-apocalyptic chaos sounded innovative. Add neo-Nazis to the plot, and it became an odd blend that was hard to swallow. “Surf Nazis Must Die” had moments that felt like it was about to catch a wave of excitement, but the narrative crashed more often than it soared, leaving viewers tangled in its confusing undertow.
Hit or Miss Horror in “Creepshow 2”
Anthologies like “Creepshow 2” bank on engaging the viewer with multiple intriguing tales. However, this installment felt like it was juggling tales that ranged from mildly interesting to plain dull. The three tales lacked the punch that makes horror anthologies memorable. Rather than a buffet of thrills, it felt like a sampler of snoozes.
Midnight Munchies with “Death Bed: The Bed That Eats”
One would think a tale about a bed with an appetite for humans would be nightmare-inducing. Yet, “Death Bed: The Bed That Eats” seemed caught between wanting to be a horror and a dark comedy. This indecision rendered a plot that neither truly scared nor amused. Scenes of the bed digesting its victims felt more peculiar than petrifying.
