Get ready to explore the cinematic misfires of 2023. From nonsensical plots to performances that defy explanation, we’re delving into the 16 films that left us utterly bewildered. Join us for a hilarious journey through the year’s most confounding moments in cinema. Let’s laugh, groan, and shake our heads together!
1. Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey
Take a beloved children’s character and turn him into a killer (along with Piglet as a sidekick). This movie is wrong on every level. The characters make the stupidest decisions possible. As a B-grade horror film, it doesn’t make the grade at all. Atrocious acting, bad writing, and lack of gore make this one of the worst flicks in 2023.
2. Life Upside Down
This is a rom-com inspired by the lockdowns of the COVID-19 pandemic. It looks at the intricacies of relationships but only creates one-dimensional characters. You won’t find yourself getting behind anyone in the film. Another letdown of this film is the way it glorifies affairs. Not worth your time watching.
3. Ghosted
A guy falls in love with a secret agent. There is nothing unique that “Ghosted” provides as an action/comedy. It just grabs concepts from other movies in the genre and throws them into this one. One online review says, “It’s frustratingly badly written – hollow, generic, lazy, and contrived. Even the attempts at humor will create more eye-rolls than laughs.”
4. One True Loves
Those who have read the book that this movie is based on will tell you that the producers made a travesty out of “One True Love”. It comes across as too rom-com which is made cringey due to the awful acting. You will find that this flick is truly hard to love.
5. House Party
“House Party” is a remake and those who have seen the original will tell you how the producers failed with this offering. Just think of it as one long music video that, as a comedy, doesn’t generate any humor. This is one party you can happily skip.
6. Your Place or Mine
Two best friends decide to swap life roles. Reese Witherspoon carries this rom-com but it’s not enough to prevent this comedy from being a dreary bore. Due to the long-distance relationship between the two main characters we don’t get to see the onscreen chemistry build between them. Also, the writing is lazy which turns this movie into a tedious snore-fest.
7. 65
An astronaut crash lands on a planet and discovers there is something else there with him. It should be an exciting movie, but it is anything but that. The characters are paper-thin made worse by a horrible script. Most of the plot requires you to suspend all logic and judgment. An online review states “The story is crap. There is just grunting and pointing with repetition for all the talking and it gets annoying fast. The action is ok but boring and I just ended up quitting about half way through.”
8. Murder Mystery 2
Adam Sandler and Jennifer Anniston co-star as detectives in this action comedy. It’s an improvement from the first installment due to the bigger budget, but don’t get too excited. “Murder Mystery 2” is a disappointment due to the amount of cliches throughout the film. It’s a formulaic plot, so you can pretty much guess what’s going to happen. For light entertainment, you could give this a watch.
9. Fool’s Paradise
“Fool’s Paradise” starts well and you get the feeling for the potential on offer. Sadly, that is never realized and things just become repetitive and bland. As a comedy, it completely fails since the main character is mute. He says absolutely nothing throughout the movie. It’s a struggle to find anything funny. “It was a poor attempt at an absurd comedy, but it was more absurd than a comedy,” one critic wrote.
10. Peter Pan and Wendy
“Peter Pan and Wendy” fails to capture the wonderment of the original story. The characters in this movie are lifeless and the acting was stilted. It’s like the cast was reading directly off the script without emotion. For those who aren’t familiar with the story of Peter Pan, this version will have you wondering what’s happening because nothing is explained. “What did I just watch?” wondered a reviewer.
11. The Mother
A female assassin comes out of hiding to protect her daughter. Jennifer Lopez stars as the main character and this film makes it an ego trip about her. The film doesn’t offer anything you have seen before in action/thrillers. Everything is so generic that you end up getting bored about an hour into the movie. Give this mother a wide berth.
12. Paint
“Paint” is a nod to the inspirational Bob Ross. Owen Wilson plays the lead role and his character is a womaniser. A far cry from Bob Ross. The whole movie has nothing of any real substance and comes across as a bore of a film. Overall, this movie is about as exciting as watching paint dry.
13. Fast X
You’ll want to fast forward this film “x” amount of times to try and find something worthwhile. Unfortunately, it doesn’t deliver anything. Just endless action scenes randomly stitched together to make a movie that lasts a couple of hours. A fan of the “Fast and Furious” franchise states that this addition “was so bad that it wasn’t even funny and the torment lasted almost 3 hours of non-stop chaos and pointless plots with going back and forth between too many storylines that were not connected or understandable.”
14. A Little White Lie
The white lie is that this movie is worth watching. The script and plot are all over the place and there is a disconnect between the characters. On top of that, you can guess what will happen because everything in the movie is predictable.
15. Knights of the Zodiac
A goddess of war reincarnates in the form of a young girl and a street orphan takes it upon himself to protect her. Quite a moving theme for a movie and something that could be worth a watch. However, the producers had no idea what they were doing nor any inkling about the script. “Knights of the Zodiac” is based on a popular Japanese anime/manga yet fails to deliver the brilliance behind the source material. One reviewer calls this movie “An unneeded, unasked, unwanted live-action adaption that had no point to be.
16. Expend4bles
For fans who love an original couple of Expendables movies, this fourth installment is a major disappointment. As an action movie, it takes itself too seriously. The plot is weak whilst the acting is below par. Jason Statham tries his best with the material he has to work with. Sylvester Stallone and Dolph Lundgren turn lackluster performances. Another criticism is the bad CGI in the film which looks like a throwback to the 80s or mid-90s. “Expendables 4” is a forgettable addition to the franchise. It lacks the heart and soul that made the previous films memorable. Action fans might find some enjoyment in the spectacle, but anyone seeking a well-rounded cinematic experience will be left wanting more,” one pundit suggests.
